Leaving Judgement to the Lord, Love to Us

Learn how not to judge others as you strive to be more Christ-like in your life.

I gave this talk in the Saturday Evening Session of the December 2013 Provo West Stake Conference. The opinions expressed herein are my own and not necessarily those of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.



In 1995, President Gordon B. Hinckley counseled the church membership “to live with respect and appreciation for those not of our faith. There is so great a need for civility and mutual respect among those of differing beliefs and philosophies.” (“This Is the Work of the Master,” Ensign, May 1995)

This past September that request was returned in a big way by Southern Baptist and evangelical leader Richard Land. He was invited to meet with some of the general authorities and to attend the BYU-Texas football game. He sat down for a Q&A session with the Deseret News while in town.

They asked him about his work trying to educate others that the church is not a "cult". Here was his response:

"I am a communicator and I use language to communicate. ... And "cult" does not communicate. "Cult" means people who act crazy. LDS folks are your children’s soccer coach, your insurance salesman, and the term "cult" just doesn’t fit. ... I was asked at a religious diversity conference at Princeton if it’s not a cult, what is it? And I said I would describe it as a fourth Abrahamic religion ... a religion based upon the Old and New Testaments, like Islam, but with an additional revelation — in the case of the LDS Church, the Book of Mormon, and in the case of Islam, the Quran. (That) seems to communicate what I think evangelicals want to communicate." ("Q&A: Evangelical leader Richard Land shares views on LDS Church, threats to religious liberty, other issues", Deseret News, September 6, 2013)

With my work, I get the opportunity on a regular basis to interact with people all over the world who are not of our faith. Most of my associates are very respectful of our faith. I try to return that respect. I get to travel socially with them on some of our incentive trips. Some of those individuals who I have grown to appreciate the most are some that are the most different from me. I seek to understand them. Whether that is someone who loves their tattoos, enjoying drinking, or is living lifestyles very different from my own. As I have tried to not judge them, I have found friendship and mutual respect.

I am always impressed by the example of President Monson. While reading his biography, I learned that several years ago while still involved in the publishing business, he was given a bottle of wine as a gift at a conference. Rather than reject the gift, he decided to bring it home and give it to a non-member business associate that worked at the Salt Lake Tribune. He didn't worry about what some member would say if they found out he had some wine in his luggage. He wanted to given a genuine gift to his friend. Do you think that friend felt love rather than judgment from Thomas Monson?

In referring to President Hinckley's earlier counsel related to those not of our faith, in 2009, Elder Quentin L. Cook issued a related challenge: "It is equally important that we be loving and kind to members of our own faith, regardless of their level of commitment or activity. The Savior has made it clear that we are not to judge each other. This is especially true of members of our own families. Our obligation is to love and teach and never give up."

So with Elder Cook's admonition, I would like to talk about how we can avoid unrighteous judgment of our fellow members and our family.

I would like for President Ouderkirk and our 7 Bishops to pleases stand for a moment. These 8 men are the only individuals authorized by the Lord for a limited period of their lives to stand in judgment on behalf of the Lord's church in our stake boundaries. In my experience, when they are called to perform this function, they do so humbly with profound love for those whom they are called to help.

Now I am going to come clean to all of you: Just because I'm a member of the Stake Presidency doesn't give me a right to judge any of you or your fellow members of the Stake. However, I personally have exercised unrighteous judgment of others many times including some of you and my own family. I am trying to be a recovering judger. Most of the time those judgments just bounce around in my own head but there are times I have verbalized them as well. My daughters learned this when someone dangerously cut me off on our way back from Delta for Thanksgiving when I used a more colorful term for a donkey to describe them. In short, I'm not speaking about a topic that I have mastered.

A had a more profound experience with judging others unrighteously in my late teens. While traveling down for the wedding of my foster sisters on the Navajo Indian Reservation, we stayed at the Navajo Nation Inn. I was supposed to have my church clothes for the wedding. We stayed at the inn overnight and I couldn't find my dress clothes when we were ready to go to the wedding. We accused the clean lady of taking the clothes. When we returned home, I found that I had left them in my bedroom. This experience haunted me because I was so quick to judge another person and not look first at myself.
As members of the church we can be so hard on each other?

Why hasn't so and so had any children yet? Are they being selfish? They've been married for a few years now. Did you see what Sister so and so was wearing today? That was immodest for a church meeting? Brother so and so left right after sacrament meeting rather than staying for the rest of the block? Why do I have to do such and such? It is Brother so and so's responsibility not mine. Did you smell that smoke on so and so? Why hasn't so and so submitted his mission papers yet?—and the list could go on and on.

This kind of judgment of others can be a cancer to our personally spirituality and destroy our hope in others. Let's review the Savior's great teachings on this topic as found in the Sermon on the Mount in Matthew 7:
"1 Judge not, that ye be not judged. 2 For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again. 3 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? 4 Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye? 5 Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye." (Matthew 7:1–5)

Ok, so we have cleared up that beam in our own eye and now we're ready to roll up our sleeves and cast out the mote in our brother's eye. How do we do it? Doctrine and Covenants 121 has the answer:
"39 We have learned by sad experience that it is the nature and disposition of almost all men, as soon as they get a little authority, as they suppose, they will immediately begin to exercise unrighteous dominion. 40 Hence many are called, but few are chosen. 41 No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned; 42 By kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile— 43 Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy; 44 That he may know that thy faithfulness is stronger than the cords of death. 45 Let thy bowels also be full of charity towards all men, and to the household of faith , and let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God; and the doctrine of the priesthood shall distil upon thy soul as the dews from heaven. 46 The Holy Ghost shall be thy constant companion, and thy scepter an unchanging scepter of righteousness and truth; and thy dominion shall be an everlasting dominion, and without compulsory means it shall flow unto thee forever and ever." (Doctrine and Covenants 121:39–46)

I don't know about you but I sure would love to claim the blessing promised in those last few verses. So let's break down these versus a little bit. There seems to be allowed under certain circumstances to reprove. What does betimes mean? The Webster's 1828 dictionary defines betimes as:
Seasonably; in good season or time; before it is late.

We should use great care and patience and take a long term view of "before it is late".
Perhaps more importantly, is the definition of unfeigned from that same 1828 dictionary in referring to love unfeigned: not counterfeit; not hypocritical; real; sincere;

I have experienced this with one of my home teaching families. I have loved them and become dear friends over the course of many years. I never judged them for not coming to church. Month after month, year after year, our friendship deepened. Church activity has returned after a long absence. Now what if I had started challenging them to come to church every month in our visits rather than bringing a spiritual message of love without judgment. I don't think the outcome would have been the same. Now I didn't do anything special and their return had more to do with it being the right time for them. It took others to step in with some challenges and opportunity at the right time when prompted by the spirit but my job was and is to love.

A lifetime of love may earn us the opportunity to reprove someone in a circumstance when prompted by the spirit. The most important thing we can do is love our fellow members unconditionally and leave the judgment to the Lord. We don't need to try to change them, they will change themselves when they see how much we love them.

The Lord has continued to teach me with the passage of time and given me insight into an individuals' lives whom I have judged unrighteously. I learn something about their situation where the Lord shows me why things are the way they are and that I need to exercise more patience and understanding. In learning more about the challenges in their life, my attitude has turned from judgment to gratitude for the offering they are able to give given the burdens they carry. The old Native American proverb certain applies: "Never criticize a man until you've walked a mile in his moccasins."

Here is an entry from my journal from a year and a half ago where I reflected on improved relations with some close relatives where we have struggled to find joy in our relationship:
"We judged them and they judged us and as much as we faked it at family gatherings the tension and judgment were still there. Yet now after all these years I believe that we are starting to heal and love each other unconditionally despite our differences."

If you like me have struggled with judging your fellowman, may I encourage you to try to become a recovering judger. Let's us find inspiration in the exchange between Ebenezer Scrooge and the ghost of Jacob Marley in "A Christmas Carol" by Charles Dickens:

Marley reminds Scrooge of his early rejection of some men seeking his donation for the poor. "At this festive season of the year, Mr Scrooge, ... it is more than usually desirable that we should make some slight provision for the Poor and destitute, who suffer greatly at the present time. Many thousands are in want of common necessaries; hundreds of thousands are in want of common comforts, sir." "Are there no prisons?" "Plenty of prisons..." "And the Union workhouses." demanded Scrooge. "Are they still in operation?" "Both very busy, sir..." "Those who are badly off must go there." "Many can't go there; and many would rather die." "If they would rather die," said Scrooge, "they had better do it, and decrease the surplus population."
Scrooge questions the spirit to see if what he is seeing is real or imagined: "Why do you doubt your senses?" "Because," said Scrooge, "a little thing affects them. A slight disorder of the stomach makes them cheats. You may be an undigested bit of beef, a blot of mustard, a crumb of cheese, a fragment of an underdone potato. There's more of gravy than of grave about you, whatever you are!" "Man of the worldly mind!" replied the Ghost, "do you believe in me or not?" "I do," said Scrooge. "I must. "
"But why do spirits walk the earth, and why do they come to me?" "It is required of every man," the Ghost returned, "that the spirit within him should walk abroad among his fellowmen, and travel far and wide; and if that spirit goes not forth in life, it is condemned to do so after death. It is doomed to wander through the world — oh, woe is me! — and witness what it cannot share, but might have shared on earth, and turned to happiness!" "You are fettered," said Scrooge, trembling. "Tell me why?" "I wear the chain I forged in life," replied the Ghost. "I made it link by link, and yard by yard; I girded it on of my own free will, and of my own free will I wore it. Is its pattern strange to you?" Scrooge trembled more and more. "Or would you know," pursued the Ghost, "the weight and length of the strong coil you bear yourself? It was full as heavy and as long as this, seven Christmas Eves ago. You have laboured on it since. It is a ponderous chain!" "Business!" cried the Ghost, wringing its hands again. "Mankind was my business. The common welfare was my business; charity, mercy, forbearance, and benevolence were all my business. The dealings of my trade were but a drop of water in the comprehensive ocean of my business!"

May we take this opportunity now to break the chains of judgment with the seeds of love. Remember the now old lyrics from the Beatles song: "All You Need is Love, Love is all you need". There are people in our Stake right now--your neighbor and mine, your child or spouse or parent or brother or sister that are hoping and waiting for someone to reach out to them in unconditional love with no judgment. May we let some small reflection of the Savior's love for them shine through you and me this Christmas season and into the new year is my prayer. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
Copyright © 1999-2016 Brian K. Holman. Any opinions expressed on this site are solely my own and do not necessarily represent the views of my employer, my church, or any other referenced organization.