I gave this talk in the Saturday Evening Session of the May 2013 Provo West Stake Conference. The opinions expressed herein are my own and not necessarily those of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.



Introduction
In the Declaration of Independence it states: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."

It is interesting that our founding fathers so clearly put the unalienable right not as happiness itself but as the pursuit of happiness. So this implies that some who pursue happiness may not obtain it. There are many counterfeit paths that individuals go down in the pursuit of happiness that can lead to misery. The prophet Joseph Smith outlined the Latter-Day Saint goal for happiness. He said “Happiness is the object and design of our existence; and will be the end thereof, if we pursue the path that leads to it." What is that path? The principles and ordinances found in the restored Gospel of Jesus Christ.

I think it is generally recognized that Latter-Day saints as a people are among the happiest people on earth. We strive for the ideal found among the people of the Book of Mormon after Christ's visit as found in 4th Nephi:
"…Surely there could not be a happier people among all the people who had been created by the hand of God. There were no robbers, nor murderers, neither were there Lamanites, nor any manner of -ites; but they were in one, the children of Christ, and heirs to the kingdom of God."

Despite being so blessed as a Latter-Day Saint, I personally find that there are times when I am not as happy as I would like to be or feel that I should be given my circumstances. Recognizing that I may not be alone, I would like to discuss some potential pitfalls that can lead to unhappiness and how we might address them with gospel-centered solutions.

As I have pondered on this matter, I have identified five potential challenges that can rob us of our happiness if left unresolved:
#1, Serious Sin
#2, Clinical Depression and Mental Illness
#3, Legitimate Hardships
#4, Over-programming our Lives
#5, Unrealistic Expectations of Ourselves and Others

Have you already been able to identify one or more areas that might be an obstacle in your pursuit of happiness? In last October General Conference, President Uchtdorf issued a challenge for us to "resolve to find happiness, regardless of our circumstances".

Let us first discuss Serious Unresolved Sin:
Satan wants those who commit serious sin to think they are unforgivable and that the atonement doesn't apply to them. This is simply not true. As Isaiah taught "though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool." (Isaiah 1:18) Your Bishop, the Stake President, and most importantly the Lord Jesus Christ stand ready to help. Growing up in a farming family, I got to prepare the field in the spring to get it ready for planting. I would drag a big metal farming implement with many spikes on it around the field to break up the hard crusty ground. The name of this farming implement is the harrow. This is a case of better to be the farmer than the field. Happiness is difficult to find if we are harrowed up by unresolved sin.

Alma the Younger describes the miracle of forgiveness to his son Helaman in Alma 36:"I cried within my heart: O Jesus, thou Son of God, have mercy on me, who am in the gall of bitterness, and am encircled about by the everlasting chains of death. And now, behold, when I thought this, I could remember my pains no more; yea, I was harrowed up by the memory of my sins no more. And oh, what joy, and what marvelous light I did behold; yea, my soul was filled with joy as exceeding as was my pain!"

I testify that joy and true happiness can be found through the cleansing power of the atonement.

The second area I would like to discuss is Clinic Depression and Mental Illness.
When he was my age, my dad developed diabetes. He was a hard working farmer and in a lot better shape than I am in. At 74, he can still out lift me and out work me. At first, he tried to manage the disease with diet alone. His pancreas was not able to supply all of the insulin that his body needed to function properly. He needed to take insulin tablets and eventually insulin shots to help keep his blood sugar in balance. He has been able to live a relatively normal life with some setbacks here and there as a result of this disease. Should my dad feel guilty or embarrassed that his mortal body has a pancreas that can't function without assistance from medicine? Clearly the answer is no.

I have had a few friends and work colleagues that have be diagnosed with bipolar depression. Without taking regular medication their brains would not be able to function properly. If they decide to get off their medication it can yield disastrous results. Life improves when they come to accept that they must continue to take their medication. Should my friend feel guilty or embarrassed that his mortal body has a brain that can't function without assistance from medicine? Clearly the answer is no just like in the case of my father with his pancreas.

There should be no stigma for faithful latter-day saints to take advantage of the services of Mental Health Professionals when the circumstances warrant it. The church has a great resource on the lds.org website on Mental Illness to identify the signs of and help for mental illness. There is a great statement on the website that it is important to keep in mind:
"Realize that a mental illness cannot be overcome by will power alone. It does not indicate that a person lacks faith, character, or worthiness."

Next I would like to discuss legitimate hardships.
Our hearts ache as a Stake Presidency when we learn about challenges or hardships that you and your families have experienced or are currently experiencing. We mourn with you with a job loss or other economic hardship, the sudden loss of a spouse, the serious illness of a child or spouse, your own health challenges, the rebellion of a child, and the pain caused by sin upon the innocent. I don't want to minimize these or other serious challenges. And yet Heavenly Father through the grace of his son can still fill our lives with joy during such times.

President James E. Faust wisely taught the perspective we should have on happiness in difficult circumstances: "Although 'men are, that they might have joy' (2 Ne. 2:25), this does not mean that our lives will be filled only with joy, 'for it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things' (2 Ne. 2:11). Happiness is not given to us in a package that we can just open up and consume. Nobody is ever happy 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Rather than thinking in terms of a day, we perhaps need to snatch happiness in little pieces, learning to recognize the elements of happiness and then treasuring them while they last."

President Uchtdorf taught how happiness relates to our circumstances:
"So often we get caught up in the illusion that there is something just beyond our reach that would bring us happiness: a better family situation, a better financial situation, or the end of a challenging trial. The older we get, the more we look back and realize that external circumstances don’t really matter or determine our happiness. We do matter. We determine our happiness. You and I are ultimately in charge of our own happiness. We shouldn’t wait to be happy until we reach some future point, only to discover that happiness was already available—all the time!"

I testify that as we seek the Lord during times of hardship that we can experience joy. My faith has been strengthen by observing those who "endure it well" in difficult times.

The next area I would like to discuss that can affect our happiness is Over-programming our Lives
I feel this is an area where that I and my family need to consider how we can simplify. BYU Professor Brent L. Top counseled the saints on this matter in a 2005 Ensign Article:
"Numerous good and honorable causes beckon for our time and energy. … We may get and spend, hurry and scurry, come and go, and later discover that we have laid waste our emotional and spiritual strength and given our hearts away to things that matter very little in the end. The Book of Mormon prophet Jacob, paraphrasing Isaiah, warned, “Do not spend money for that which is of no worth, nor your labor for that which cannot satisfy” (2 Ne. 9:51; see Isa. 55:2). … President Spencer W. Kimball urged the Saints to return to what he characterized as “quiet, sane living.” … Elder Richard G. Scott of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles stated, “Remember, don’t magnify the work to be done—simplify it.” Our lives are out of balance if we allow outward busyness to supplant inner goodness. In striking a temporal balance, we are often forced to make hard choices between many good and desirable things. … Church and community service opportunities may provide us with rich and rewarding experiences. But even when considering such noble causes and activities, we must, as Elder Ballard counseled, “remember [that] too much of anything in life can throw us off balance. At the same time, too little of the important things can do the same thing.” It may be that the worst thing we can give our children is the opportunity to participate in an additional sport, music lesson, or other activity that demands money and time away from the family. Teaching our children how to live “quiet, sane,” and balanced lives may be one of the most vital things we can do for them in these frenzied last days."

King Benjamin gave us important counsel when he said: “See that all these things are done in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength” (Mosiah 4:27). Are we sometimes running faster than we have strength? I give you all permission to slow down and simplify. I give you permission to say no to good things so you can experience great things. I give you permission not to feel guilty when saying no to activities that you don't have the time or energy to accomplish however worthwhile they may be.

Let us fight for the strength that comes from a quite evening together as a family enjoying time together. I personally am trying to learn to delegate more of the things that have to get done and to guard my commitments to not let too many good things crowd out great things.

The final area I would like to discuss that can lead to unhappiness is Unrealistic Expectations of Ourselves and Others.
In 1995, Elder Russell M. Nelson addressed this topic of falling short of our expectations for ourselves:
"When comparing one’s personal performance with the supreme standard of the Lord’s expectation, the reality of imperfection can at times be depressing. My heart goes out to conscientious Saints who, because of their shortcomings, allow feelings of depression to rob them of happiness in life. We all need to remember: men are that they might have joy—not guilt trips!" (Russell M. Nelson, “Perfection Pending,” Ensign, Nov 1995, 86.)

This is an area with which I have some experience. I have very high expectations of myself and sometimes I am not able to accomplish everything I desire or be everything I desired to be. I also project those high expectations onto my family. This can be good to a point but also can be a stumbling block if I don't keep it in check.

I have found myself giving a complement to one of my children and then immediately offering them counsel on how they could do even better. Although I'm trying to help, I have to be careful that they don't perceive that their best efforts are not good enough. This is a delicate balance and I'm trying to err a little more on the celebration rather than the solution.

The Prophet Joseph Fielding Smith also counseled the Saints concerning the Savior’s admonition to be perfect:“It will take us ages to accomplish [perfection], for there will be greater progress beyond the grave, and it will be there that the faithful will overcome all things … I believe the Lord meant just what he said: that we should be perfect, as our Father in heaven is perfect. That will not come all at once, but line upon line, and precept upon precept, …, and even then not as long as we live in this mortal life, for we will have to go even beyond the grave before we reach that perfection and shall be like God. But here we lay the foundation.”

Elder Gerald Lund explains the slow pace that most of us progress:
“Somehow, some of us get it in our heads that if we are not making great, dramatic leaps forward spiritually, we are not progressing. Actually, for most of us, the challenge of living the gospel is that progress comes in almost imperceptible increments. It is very seldom that we can look back over one day and see great progress. Becoming like God takes years and years of striving, and trying again."

I think understanding the role of grace in the true gospel of Jesus Christ is important to help us manage our expectations of ourselves and others. Because of the rest of Christendom's different concept of grace we sometimes overshoot the mark as latter-day saints and minimize the role of grace.

Nephi taught: "For we labor diligently to write, to persuade our children, and also our brethren, to believe in Christ, and to be reconciled to God; for we know that it is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do." (2 Nephi 25:23). We sometimes use this scripture to combat the concept that we are saved by grace alone.

However, I think the language is important "after all we can do". Notice Nephi doesn't say all that we should do, he says all we can do.

President Uchtdorf explained how the Savior should fit into our plan:
"The more we devote ourselves to the pursuit of holiness and happiness, the less likely we will be on a path to regrets. The more we rely on the Savior’s grace, the more we will feel that we are on the track our Father in Heaven has intended for us."

I love the analogy that BYU Professor Brad Wilcox used when he spoke to the youth of our Stake about grace and refuting the idea that Christ bridges the gap. He said: "Jesus filled the whole gap. He didn’t pay it all except for a few coins. He paid our debt in full. You have plenty to do, but it is not to fill the gap.” He then went on to explain an analogy involving piano lessons.

“Mom pays the piano teacher … Because Mom pays the ‘debt’ in full, she can ask her child for something. What is it? Practice! Does the child’s practice pay the piano teacher or repay Mom for paying the piano teacher? No. Practicing is how the child shows appreciation for Mom’s incredible gift … Mom’s joy is found not in getting repaid, but in seeing her gift used. In the same sense, “because Jesus has paid justice He can now turn to us and say, ‘Follow me,’ ‘Keep my commandments,’” It is comforting to know that there aren’t just two options: perfection or giving up. When learning the piano, are the only options performing in Carnegie Hall or quitting? No. Growth and development take time. When we understand grace we understand that we never have to face challenges alone, that Christ’s strength is perfect in our weakness and that he offers us his enabling power.”

I testify that through the grace of Jesus Christ our dedicated but halting efforts can be an acceptable offering.

I pray that as you consider how to combat the challenges to your personal happiness and the happiness of your family that the Lord will bless you with inspiration and insight. May we remember that "man is that he might have joy".