I gave this talk in the Saturday Evening Session of the December 2011 Provo West Stake Conference. The opinions expressed herein are my own and not necessarily those of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.



Experience on the Farm: A Stubborn Horse
I took my children and their cousins out to my Dad's farm near Delta over the Thanksgiving weekend to ride horses. Although I usually prefer a 4-wheeler to a horse, I knew the kids would enjoy the experience. Unfortunately, these horses don't get ridden as much as they should and can be a little jumpy.

The little kids took turns while I lead one of the younger horses around by a halter rope. The horse didn't follow my lead very well and there were a few times where we just went around in a circle before it would back-off and let me lead again.

After the little kids were done, I decided to ride the horse. The young horse fought putting the bit in its mouth and I was unable to put on the bridle. I tightened down the rope at the hitching post so it's head didn't have as much slack and got my son Andrew to help me get on the bridle.

The horse reared back with so much force that it broke the metal clip attaching the halter to its rope. It got free and ran through the hay stacks. We went to catch it again. My son suggested that it wasn't worth the fight to try to ride it and that we should just put it back in the corral.

We caught the horse again and this time I got my Dad and my brother to help me force the bit into the horse's mouth and get the bridle on. Now you may ask why I would be crazy enough to want to ride a horse that was this stubborn and took three grown men to get on its bridle? My wife would probably suggest it's because I'm more stubborn than the horse.

However, it wasn't just about me—It wasn't good for the horse to be allowed to remain in this wild, uncontrolled state. In his great sermon on pride, President Ezra Taft Benson warns that when we are prideful:
"We pit our will against God's ... in the spirit of 'my will and not thine be done.' ... Our will in competition to God's will allows desires, appetites, and passions to go unbridled" (D&C GD Teacher's Manual, Lesson 10)

Once the bridle was on, I mounted the horse and an amazing transformation took place. As James said in James 3:2:
"We put bits in the horses' mouths, that they may obey us; and we turn about their whole body."

That is exactly what happened. The young horse willingly submitted to my will. It was still a little jumpy but I rode far out into the fields away from the corral and it remained obedient. We had a pleasant ride together as I enjoyed a beautiful sunset in the wide Pahvant valley of central Utah.

In this experience, there is a great life lesson that we must learn and that we must teach our children.

Bridle our Passions
Alma gave important counsel to his son Shiblon as found in Alma 38:12 where he states "see that ye bridle all your passions, that ye may be filled with love".

So what does Alma mean when he asks us to bridle our passions?

President David O. McKay said: "One chief purpose of life is to overcome evil tendencies, to govern our appetites, to control our passions—anger, hatred, jealousy, immorality. We have to overcome them; we have to subject them; [we have to] conquer them" ("Emotional Maturity," Instructor, Sept. 1959, p. 281).

Prior to his call as a General Authority, Elder Bruce C. Hafen taught that "[Alma] did not say we should suppress or eliminate our passions but rather bridle them—harness, channel, and focus them. Why? Because disciplining our passions makes possible a richer, deeper love."

So are these two explanations in conflict? President McKay mentions some of the passions we have to control: anger, hatred, jealousy, immorality. Elder Hafen suggests that rather than eliminating our passions we need to harness, channel, and focus them. Surely we should should just eliminate anger from our lives? Is it even possible to harness anger rather than eliminate it? I would like to share some personally insights and thoughts as I have pondered on this question.

Harness, Channel, and Focus

Over the past twelve years in my business profession, I have worked with and managed many different people with very different personalities, capabilities and dispositions.

One of the key principles that I have tried to instill in my team is to become a student of the business and to be passionate about what they are doing. In hiring and promotion, I would select an employee with less ability or experience but a greater passion for the work over someone with greater ability and less passion for the work. I call this principle "Will" before "Skill".

One of the dictionary definitions for the adjective "passionate" is "showing strong feelings or strong belief". Hopefully, it can be said of each of us that we are passionate about our membership in the church of Christ and in building the kingdom of God on the earth.

Passionate people care about what they are doing. That passion causes them to take appropriate risks for things that they believe in. Sometimes a passionate person will strongly defend their position because of how much they care. Unchecked, this can lead to anger or intolerance of a different point of view or opinion. But if channelled and focused, it can elevate everyone and make them stronger.

At the opposite end of the spectrum is apathy. One of the worse drains on any organization including the church is a person who is apathetic about what they are doing and just going through the motions. Are we apathetic about our church calling or our home or visiting teaching assignments or do we bring energy and vitality into our church stewardships?

So in other words, extinguishing our passions will lead to apathy and loss of purpose, bridling them will lead to focus and growth, but letting them go uncontrolled will lead to our misery and destruction. Now let's transition to how we can teach these concepts to the youth under our stewardship and guide them in avoiding some particularly dangerous areas.

Teaching Our Children
How many of you wished that there was a manual for parenting? I've heard it said that parenting is the only job that by the time you figure it out you are no longer employed. It turns out that the church has recognized this and has provided a resource to help.

How may of you have seen this church publication before? It is called simply "A Parent's Guide". It was published in 1985 and is still available in the Distribution Center. If you are a parent, a grandparent, or a teacher or leader of youth, I would encourage you to obtain a copy of this manual or access it online.

Chapter 5 focuses on Adolescents from Twelve to Eighteen. I'd like to read the introductory paragraph to this chapter:
"Adolescence can be a very confusing and puzzling time for both you and your children. Just when your children are trying to learn who they are and where they belong in the world, their bodies begin the profound physical changes of puberty. Children take on the outward appearance of adults but lack adult experience, wisdom, and responsibility. They continue to mature emotionally and socially, but there are periods of confusion and inconsistency as they try to understand and cope with the changes in their bodies and the accompanying social changes that lead toward adult relationships. Parents can mistakenly attribute adult characteristics to adolescents who look like adults but are largely children. They need more time and experience before being expected to act and think completely as adults."

The chapter goes on to identify four key responsibilities that we have to teach this age group to help them make a successful transition to adulthood:

First, prepare your teenagers for the changes that will accompany puberty.

Second, teach your teenagers that they can control their desires for physical intimacy.

Third, help your teenagers to have wholesome social experiences.

Fourth, help your teenagers see adolescence as a time for developing spiritual power.

It then goes on to give parents ideas and suggestions on how to address each of these topics. Please don't abdicate these responsibilities to the church or the school or worse yet to your child's peers. Take regular opportunities one-on-one to discuss these topics with your children.

I am certainly no expert and recognize that many of you have more experience in these matters than me. I recognize that each child is different and we have to use good judgement on how to approach each child.

However, my experience in interviewing youth over the years is that many more of them understand what the Word of Wisdom is than the Law of Chastity. Use "A Parent's Guide" and "For the Strength of Youth" to make sure that this isn't the case for those under your stewardship.

As an example, in my regular Father's interviews I ask about my children's Internet and cell phone use. I ask specific questions like "When was the last time you saw something inappropriate on the Internet? How did it happen? What did you do?" For my dating age teens, I ask specific questions about their dating activities and their relationships with the opposite sex.

It is my belief that trust and accountability go hand-in-hand. My children know what the Lord and their parents expect of them. They have been warned about the dangers out there and they have a regular opportunity to be accountable for their public and private actions.

I pray that each of us will seek the promptings of the spirit as we support our children in their appropriate exercise of agency.

Now I would address one more thing from "A Parent's Guide". Chapter 6 focuses on Courtship and Marriage. If you have any children or grandchildren that are courting, engaged, or preparing for marriage then this chapter is an excellent resource for them. In this section it points out why Satan is working so hard to get youth to violate the Law of Chastity.

"If youth understand that they are children of God and are secure in their self-esteem, they are prepared to enter into lawful intimate relationships when married. Without this understanding, courtship can be empty because the young people may be insecure, indifferent, or distrustful of their partner and may be selfish and self-indulgent in personal judgments. If young people court one another without being sexually involved, they can more objectively determine whether they should proceed further or whether they should part and seek other more compatible companions. Tragically, courtship is often misused today by those who either live together for sexual privileges or by those who court hastily and marry foolishly. … When couples respect each other enough to practice virtue in every aspect of their courtship, they lay a foundation likely to withstand the most serious assaults during marriage."

The Lord needs valiant parents ready to build the kingdom and raise a righteous posterity ready to do the same. You can see how this is made much more difficult if these sacred powers are misused. This misuse will impair their judgement in selecting a worthy and compatible marriage partner with which to build a happy home.

President David O. McKay gives a warning and a promise for our youth about their preparation for a happy marriage:
"Now, the seeds of a happy married life are sown in youth. Happiness does not begin at the altar; it begins during the period of youth and courtship. These seeds of happiness are sown by your ability to master your driving passions. Chastity should be the dominant virtue among young people. In the Church there is but a single standard. It applies to the boys as well as to the girls. If you follow that standard--indeed, if you will listen to the promptings of your own true heart--you will learn that self-mastery during youth and compliance with the single standard of morality is … the foundation of a happy home" (David O. McKay, "The Choice of an Eternal Companion," Improvement Era, Apr. 1965, p. 285).

Help and Support for Those who are struggling to bridle their passions
Our goal with our youth is that it is better to prepare and prevent than to repair and repent. However, there may be those youth or adults who through some poor choices are struggling to bridle their passions. Some may be completely out of control and feel helpless. The power of the atonement is real but those who have fallen need a lot of love and support to help them overcome.

After Alma completed his Father's interview with Shiblon, he then had an interview with his son Corianton who was guilty of sexual sin. In Alma 39:9-11 we can review his counsel:
"Now my son, I would that ye should repent and forsake your sins, and go no more after the lusts of your eyes, but cross yourself in all these things; for except ye do this ye can in nowise inherit the kingdom of God. Oh, remember, and take it upon you, and cross yourself in these things. And I command you to take it upon you to counsel with your elder brothers in your undertakings; for behold, thou art in thy youth, and ye stand in need to be nourished by your brothers. And give heed to their counsel. Suffer not yourself to be led away by any vain or foolish thing; suffer not the devil to lead away your heart again after those wicked harlots."
Alma knew that Corianton would need the nourishment and help of his older brothers to help him overcome.

I had an experience several years ago where I caught one of my staff members viewing pornography at work. Our corporate computer use policy would have allowed me to fire him. I decided to confront him. He felt trapped and embarrassed by his problem and he pleaded for help. I encouraged him to seek the help of his priesthood leaders. I also helped by setting up appropriate barriers at work to help protect him from himself. We installed filtering software on our corporate network and he knew that he would be accountable to me for his use of our network. This was a problem he couldn't conquer on his own despite his best efforts. He needed others around him to help him overcome.

We need to guard ourselves against areas where we may be weak and create barriers. If you have been unsuccessful in overcoming a problem by yourself, reach out as appropriate to a priesthood leader, a trusted friend, parent, or spouse. This accountability may serve as an important barrier to help you overcome. It took three of us to successfully put the bridle on the young horse.

A while back, President Ouderkirk encouraged the Stake Presidency and the High Council to study the Guidebook for the LDS Family Services Addiction Recovery Program. It is available in print, online, and in downloadable audio format. I reviewed it in audio format on my way to work.

It is a wonderful resource for all Latter-day Saints seeking to understand and apply the atonement more fully in their lives. The introduction to the guide on the Provident Living website states the following:

"If you or someone you love struggles with addiction, there is hope. Some consider addictions simply as bad habits that can be conquered by willpower alone, but many people become so dependent on a behavior or a substance that they no longer see how to abstain from it. They lose perspective and a sense of other priorities in their lives."

In discussing confession to others, the guide refers to James 5:16:
“Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed”

The guide then teaches the following about seeking the help of others:
"You may fear that someone who really knew all your weaknesses and failings would reject you. But a priesthood leader or a trusted friend who understands the recovery process usually responds with understanding and compassion. How could such a response help you heal?"

If the opportunity presents itself you be that person that responds with understanding and compassion. Depending on the nature of the addiction, some individuals may benefit from participation in the Addiction Recovery groups sponsored by LDS Family Services. Your bishop or President Ouderkirk will have more information on how to participate or you can look them up directly on the Provident Living website--they are free and confidential.

The Power of the Holy Ghost
Brothers and sisters, thank you for allowing me to address this delicate topic. The Lord loves us and accepts our sincere efforts to improve and change ourselves and to help those we love to do the same. I pray that each of you will receive the promptings from the Holy Ghost as to how my counsel applies to you. One of the greatest helps we have in bridling our passions is by diligently seeking for the companionship of the Holy Ghost.

Elder Parley P. Pratt describes the effects of the Holy Ghost can have on us: "[His influence] quickens all the intellectual faculties, increases, enlarges, expands and purifies all the natural passions and affections; and adapts them, by the gift of wisdom, to their lawful use . It inspires, develops, cultivates and matures all the fine-toned sympathies, joys, tastes, kindred feelings and affections of our nature. It inspires virtue, kindness, goodness, tenderness, gentleness and charity. It develops beauty of person, form and features. … In short, it is, as it were, marrow to the bone, joy to the heart, light to the eyes, music to the ears, and life to the whole being" (Key to the Science of Theology, 9th ed. [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1965], p. 101).

I testify that we belong to the church of Jesus Christ. I am so grateful for the gift of the atonement. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.